Yes, you read my title right! My husband and I do not use contraception. I have been debating writing about such a personal topic on my blog for months, but God has finally opened my heart to blog about such a controversial matter.

Before my husband and I got married, we made the conscious decision to use Natural Family Planning as our method of contraception. From there, we decided that we should wait at least a year after we married before having a baby. Yet, as we stood on the altar, with our hearts fully open, we answered the vow “will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?” with a wholehearted YES! This phrase continued to echo in our heads as we made our way to Costa Rica for our honeymoon. Knowing where our cycle was and what could happen; we decided to put our trust into God’s loving hands. And God is so good! Nine months later we were graced, so greatly, with the birth of our son, William.

Now, most of the culture has a perception that NFP does not really work. When it’s publicized as an effective alternative to “artificial” contraception, people can’t help but wonder: why do families who practice NFP have SO many kids? It may be natural, but it sure doesn’t look “planned.” They’re too often too polite to ask what’s going on here, not wanting to imply that anyone’s children were “accidents.” So instead, many of them come to the conclusion that NFP doesn’t really “work.”

And if you looked at my family, you might think that exact same thing! I mean our kids are going to be 14 (and a half) months apart. For me to say that they were perfectly planned that way would be a lie. However, I can’t help but feel that I am at a place in my life that I am living my vocation to fulfillment. I am a wife and a mother. That is my calling and I love my calling!

Ok, back to NFP. Although I’ve always had a pretty good handle on my own cycles, I didn’t get hardcore about it until just before we got married. And as I started to learn more, I realized the science behind NFP is sound. It DOES have the same success rate as most other forms of birth control—but it has a very high user failure rate, which is, I think, what we see manifested in the stereotypically large Catholic families.

While the couple may equally share the responsibility of abstaining from sex during the woman’s fertile phase, it’s the woman who must take the lead of responsibility for every other aspect of NFP and that can be really hard. It’s the woman who must spend hours learning how to interpret the signs of a normal cycle, and then memorize all the possible anomalies and how they affect chances of conception. It’s the woman who must wake up at the same time every day to take her temperature. It’s the woman who must examine and interpret all the other signs her body gives—which are NOT always straightforward (especially during postpartum), and which, if you’re trying to avoid pregnancy, can lead to longer periods of abstinence than the manuals predict. Which can be rather difficult, especially as newly weds. Have I convinced you to do NFP? Doesn’t sound too hard, right?

In all honesty, NFP is a lot of work and it is the woman who feels the burden of fulfilling this expectation. However, it is also the one contraceptive where you and your husband must work together as a team. You need to communicate often, work together to understand the female body, and go through the period of abstinence together. All of these things strengthen your relationship with one another and allow you to be more intentional, in a romantic way, with your love. And that is one of the things that I cherish about NFP.

NFP truly leads to an attitude of embracing fully each child born, planned or not. We accept that pregnancy and children are the “burden” that God asks us to bear. He works within our hearts, growing them and expanding them with a ravenous love and fire for our growing family. Humane Vitae says, “to experience the gift of married love while respecting the laws of conception is to acknowledge that one is not the master of the sources of life but rather the minister of the design established by the creator.” Using birth control causes us to think that the start of life is completely up to us, but in reality, God, is the one who determines when life should begin. He designed our bodies the way they are for a reason, and only He is the creator of life.

God blessed us with the creation of our William Michael and our soon-to-be baby D. I will forever remember the first time I was able to hold William. That moment is the closest thing I have ever felt to heaven. My heart felt such an overwhelming amount of love, gratitude and sense of accomplishment, as I looked into my husband’s eyes, cuddled inward with our 7-pound babe. It was during that moment that I knew God’s plan was, and is, so much greater than one I could have created on my own. It was in that moment that I knew NFP and our openness toward life was exactly what God intended for our family.