My vocation, in a post

September 22, 2016 ~ lindseyjdoran ~ 1 Comment

As I finally sit down to write this, I hear a 16 month old make his first humming sound. Whelp, this can only mean one thing…naptime is coming to a quick close. If I’m lucky I can squeak out about 30 minutes of “quiet time” before he starts hollering and banging his crib. So, lets see how much I can get down in the meantime.

Today marks the start of the fourth week of my new job…a stay at home mom and I must say it is my absolute favorite profession. Being able to stay home with my boys and watch them grow (and learn) has felt like a huge blessing. When reading today’s devotion, I couldn’t help but feel God’s plan speaking to me. In the Gospel we hear Saint Matthew’s story about how his discipleship began and how he came to follow Jesus. This was his calling and although my story is different than Matthew’s, I believe I have found the work that God has intended for me to pursue.

“But grace was given to each of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift. And he gave some as Apostles, others as prophets, others as evangelists, others as pastors and teachers, to equip the holy ones for the work of ministry, for building up the Body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of faith and knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the extent of the full stature of Christ” (Ephesians 4:12-13).

For the past two months (and maybe even more) I have been bracing myself for the moment that Mike would walk out the door for his first class and leave me alone with 2 under 16 month old boys?! Is that a thing??…probably not. I have had moments of panic and/or fear, but as that first Monday morning came I decided to offer it up to God and pray that everything would work out according to His plan. Well, it wasn’t a flawless day, but we made it through and in the end I felt so much joy and contentment in my heart. I knew more than ever that this was my true vocation (This must be how you felt, Matthew!).

Now, I’m trying to soak it all in because I know it is going to go by WAY too fast! It already has! I can’t believe William is walking and talking (does sounding like a minion count as talking?!) and Jack is already smiling, cooing and even sleeping through the night (keep your fingers crossed for us). They both keep me very busy and before I know it, we are all gathered in Will’s room saying our bedtime prayers and kissing goodnight.

As the days have gone by, my love for this opportunity has grown so much. Seeing their day-to-day interactions fills me with so much joy. That’s not to say that there aren’t moments in the day where I just want to sit down or go to the bathroom without a 16-month-old as my chaperone, but I have learned to slowdown the pace in which we do things (or get things done). At the beginning of each week and month, I put things on the calendar that we need to do (grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning…oh wait that happens after every meal) and would like to do (play dates, going for a walk, or the playground). I am careful not to put more than one (sometimes two) things on a day. The less commitments I have, the less stressed out I get on a day-to-day basis. However, I do NEED some sort of an engagement, to get us out of the house, talk to adults, and lets be honest pass the time until dad gets home. Depending on the type of person you are that might mean getting out once a day or once a week. Just commit to doing something that requires you to get out of the house. The best part about it is it doesn’t have to be a huge time commitment; it can be as little as 30 minutes. Here are a few things we like to do: go to the park, have play dates, walk around target (J), go for a walk or a run, go to the library, go to our kids’ group classes and pray the rosary with our friend. None of these activities take a huge amount of time, but they give us a change of scenery and sometimes a whole new outlook on the day.

Super weird picture of Jack’s head..but this is us on a walk!

Sometimes I even have time to bake cookies!!

Whether you know your vocation or are still discerning it, remember that your path is unique and beautiful and is going to look so different than anyone else’s. But, that’s what makes this life so amazing! Listen to God and “follow Jesus” because it’s time to write your story!

P.S. This post was finished post-dinner…life of a stay at home mom 🙂

The end of an era

June 16, 2016 ~ lindseyjdoran ~ 1 Comment

I have officially been “done” with teaching for a week now and I think it has finally set in…I will no longer be returning to the halls of Sabin Elementary School, like I had been doing for the past 3 years. Instead, I will be embarking on a whole other journey…motherhood as a stay-at-home mom (of two)!

Looking back on the past three years there is one word I would use to describe teaching- exhausting! Each day felt so hard, and by 3:15 PM I was drained! The kids were unpredictable and as their teacher I had to adapt, accommodate and modify my lessons accordingly. There was rarely a moment during the day that allowed me to sit down and have a minute of peace by myself. I was always busy trying to figure out what I was teaching next, or rushing to a meeting, or figuring out how will I make _______ feel loved today. By the end of the day, I was spent.

It also didn’t help that the last month of school, I was woken up every 2 hours by thoughts of performance based tasks, math lessons, individual behavior plans, CCSS (Common Core State Standards), how is _______ going to be today, and my twenty-item sticky note of things to conquer before the 8:25 AM bell. While teaching has been very difficult at times, I will miss it and am forever grateful to have taught all the students I have had over the past three years (even the ones that made me want to pull my hair out). It has also pushed me to have better self-reflection and prayer life.

Every morning on my drive to school I would pray for growth in patience, love, faith and wisdom in order to be the best teacher, mom and wife possible for an imperfect girl like myself. And as a result, I like to think that I have found the grace needed to strengthen my skillset as a wife, mother and friend. That being said, I wouldn’t have made it through those crazy first years without the help from my husband. He has given me such inspiration, especially on those days that were hard (and tiring). He always had a listening ear ready and would remind me of all the great things that I had already done to support this student or help that colleague. He also knew that I have wanted to be a stay-at-home Mom since before we were married, so on those really tough days he reminded me “Soon you will be at home…teaching our children.” Again, it’s not that I don’t love teaching, because I do. I just can’t help but have a strong desire to be a Mom. As God’s plan for us unfolds, it all just makes so much sense because I know that the Lord places these desires in our hearts. Teaching was my first vocation and has prepared me to be the best mom and wife possible.

That being said, here are some highlights of the past 3 years:

Favorite memory: During my first year, one of my most difficult students (to date) was staring down at my engagement ring and in complete awe said, “I just can’t believe you’re getting married.” The way she said it, I could tell she was completely star-struck and I pray that she finds someone that makes her say the exact same thing as she looks at her own ring.

Another great memory happened last year. I took my kids to specials (which is 40 minutes) and when I picked them up, one of my sweet little girls came up to me and said “Mrs. Doran! Your belly grew!” Apparently William was growing by the minuteJ!

My last favorite memory was the last week of school this year. Each day we popped a balloon that held a “fun” activity in it. The anticipation and joy on my students’ faces when it was time to pop a balloon was so inspiring. If I was going back next year, I think I would find a way to incorporate something like that into my daily lessons.

One of our activities: writing on their desks with shaving cream!

Greatest Challenge: Feeling inadequate on a daily basis. It is difficult witnessing the life challenges that my students face and knowing that no matter how hard I try, at the end of the day they must try to cope with the tough hand they were dealt on their own.

Insight: you can’t do everything. Unfortunately, you can’t incorporate fun, CCSS, and have the perfect lesson that allows each kid to meet the daily objective. There are times you need to figure out where are you going to get the biggest bang for your buck! And at the end of the day your faith and family should be your number one.

There is no doubt about, I will miss those “ah-ha” moments when something finally clicks in a student. It is one of the best feelings in the world and makes all those hard days so rewarding. I am so grateful to have this life experience and to say goodbye to all my students believing I made a small impact on their lives. I know I will continue to pray for those kids for as long as I live. They have left just as much of an impact on me, as I have on them. Please keep my own kids (crazy we will have two in less than a month) and me in your prayers over these first few months as I navigate through this first year as a stay-at-home Mama.

Natural Family Planning and the elephant in the room

March 24, 2016 ~ lindseyjdoran ~ 1 Comment

Yes, you read my title right! My husband and I do not use contraception. I have been debating writing about such a personal topic on my blog for months, but God has finally opened my heart to blog about such a controversial matter.

Before my husband and I got married, we made the conscious decision to use Natural Family Planning as our method of contraception. From there, we decided that we should wait at least a year after we married before having a baby. Yet, as we stood on the altar, with our hearts fully open, we answered the vow “will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church?” with a wholehearted YES! This phrase continued to echo in our heads as we made our way to Costa Rica for our honeymoon. Knowing where our cycle was and what could happen; we decided to put our trust into God’s loving hands. And God is so good! Nine months later we were graced, so greatly, with the birth of our son, William.

Now, most of the culture has a perception that NFP does not really work. When it’s publicized as an effective alternative to “artificial” contraception, people can’t help but wonder: why do families who practice NFP have SO many kids? It may be natural, but it sure doesn’t look “planned.” They’re too often too polite to ask what’s going on here, not wanting to imply that anyone’s children were “accidents.” So instead, many of them come to the conclusion that NFP doesn’t really “work.”

And if you looked at my family, you might think that exact same thing! I mean our kids are going to be 14 (and a half) months apart. For me to say that they were perfectly planned that way would be a lie. However, I can’t help but feel that I am at a place in my life that I am living my vocation to fulfillment. I am a wife and a mother. That is my calling and I love my calling!

Ok, back to NFP. Although I’ve always had a pretty good handle on my own cycles, I didn’t get hardcore about it until just before we got married. And as I started to learn more, I realized the science behind NFP is sound. It DOES have the same success rate as most other forms of birth control—but it has a very high user failure rate, which is, I think, what we see manifested in the stereotypically large Catholic families.

While the couple may equally share the responsibility of abstaining from sex during the woman’s fertile phase, it’s the woman who must take the lead of responsibility for every other aspect of NFP and that can be really hard. It’s the woman who must spend hours learning how to interpret the signs of a normal cycle, and then memorize all the possible anomalies and how they affect chances of conception. It’s the woman who must wake up at the same time every day to take her temperature. It’s the woman who must examine and interpret all the other signs her body gives—which are NOT always straightforward (especially during postpartum), and which, if you’re trying to avoid pregnancy, can lead to longer periods of abstinence than the manuals predict. Which can be rather difficult, especially as newly weds. Have I convinced you to do NFP? Doesn’t sound too hard, right?

In all honesty, NFP is a lot of work and it is the woman who feels the burden of fulfilling this expectation. However, it is also the one contraceptive where you and your husband must work together as a team. You need to communicate often, work together to understand the female body, and go through the period of abstinence together. All of these things strengthen your relationship with one another and allow you to be more intentional, in a romantic way, with your love. And that is one of the things that I cherish about NFP.

NFP truly leads to an attitude of embracing fully each child born, planned or not. We accept that pregnancy and children are the “burden” that God asks us to bear. He works within our hearts, growing them and expanding them with a ravenous love and fire for our growing family. Humane Vitae says, “to experience the gift of married love while respecting the laws of conception is to acknowledge that one is not the master of the sources of life but rather the minister of the design established by the creator.” Using birth control causes us to think that the start of life is completely up to us, but in reality, God, is the one who determines when life should begin. He designed our bodies the way they are for a reason, and only He is the creator of life.

God blessed us with the creation of our William Michael and our soon-to-be baby D. I will forever remember the first time I was able to hold William. That moment is the closest thing I have ever felt to heaven. My heart felt such an overwhelming amount of love, gratitude and sense of accomplishment, as I looked into my husband’s eyes, cuddled inward with our 7-pound babe. It was during that moment that I knew God’s plan was, and is, so much greater than one I could have created on my own. It was in that moment that I knew NFP and our openness toward life was exactly what God intended for our family.

We are so blessed to have this spunky almost 11 month old! We love you to pieces William Michael!

15 Weeks!

January 21, 2016 ~ lindseyjdoran ~ 1 Comment

For some reason 15 weeks seems monumental to me when it comes to pregnancy. I have no idea why! Maybe it’s because the long-anticipated bump is finally showing or maybe because I am officially out of trimester 1 and starting to feel back to normal (great even). Whatever the reason may be, we are 15 weeks and happy to be here!

First trimester (this time around) went a little differently than it did with Will. I had more consistent battles with morning sickness, WAY more hormonal fluctuations, and was exhausted all day long. But, like I said, thank God I am in the second trimester.

The difference between my first and second pregnancy has been such a great reminder that each baby is such a gift. One thing my husband helped plant in my heart is to trust that life is too huge for us to have control over, and that God always knows what we need better than we do. His plans for us are far greater than those of our selves. We must surrender our trust to the Lord and allow Him to do His work. This giving of one’s self has allowed us to be open to life, and oh so grateful for our 9 month old and our little babe-to-be.

As we progress through this pregnancy (and through life), we need to remember to surrender our trust to the Lord and thank Him for the special lives we are blessed with.

Doran Family Christmas

December 30, 2015December 30, 2015 ~ lindseyjdoran ~ 1 Comment

Merry Christmas!

Celebrating Christmas as a family before heading out of town.

Bill was WAY more interested in eating his presents than looking at them.

During the Christmas season, especially the past two years, I have found a natural connection with the Virgin Mary. I see myself with my son and I think of Mary and her son. And as I reflect on Christmas and what it means, I can’t help but ask myself, “How did Mary do it?”

How did she accept the news that she was going to give birth to the Son of God? What was she feeling as she fled to Egypt? Did she know what was to occur? Was she ready for it? Did she think she would be a good mother?

One word can answer all of these questions: grace.

She completely put her trust in God. Mary is a great example of perfect faith and joy for us, especially during the holiday season. Mary reminds us to renew, and always be ready for His coming. This is the best time of year to open our hearts and thank God for all the good he has provided in our lives already.

And he has provided so much good! We were so blessed to spend some time in Omaha (where my husband is from), as well as Kalamazoo (where my family lives now). It was so good being surrounded by so many loving and helping hands. There is nothing better than watching grandparents, aunts, and uncles hold, play with, and look after your child. It brings me so much joy to know how loved William already is at 8 months!

Enjoying bath time with Grandma and Grandpa Doran!

IMG_1436 (1).jpg — The gang’s back together!

Sidenote: this little Christmas number was my older brother’s first Christmas outfit 30 years ago!

Enjoying quality time at Paw Paw Brewery.

We absolutely LOVED spending time with family and celebrating our saviors birth, but there is nothing better than a quiet night home with our growing family of FOUR!

**Yes, we are expecting another little babe, July 2016, and are over the moon with excitement! (P.S. I’m super pumped to blog about pregnancy round 2).